Da Black Whole

Monday, June 27, 2005

Little Dynamo Gets X Communicated

Little Dynamo -- still in a weakened condition, not yet over his Recent Bout with third-personism -- received this e-mail last night:


Dear Mr. Dynamo:

We recently learned of your conversion to Rajneeshism, and hereby demand that you remove your blog-post concerning said Rajneeshism, and immediately quit any further association with Rajneeshism or the Temple of Rajneesh.

Rajneeshism neither needs nor wants you, Mr. Dymano.

Raj willing, we will never be that desperate.

Any further involvement on your part with the Temple will be considered slander and trespass, and appropriate measures will be taken.


Sincerely,

Kelly Yu Gah

Public Information Officer

Temple of Rajneesh


sheesh !

some folks are SO sensitive . . .

not wishing to offend de gods, L.D. had no option but to refer The Matter to his consigliare, Mr. Hector Bato, who handles all of Dynamo's bustling Threat Correspondence

Hector opened negotiations with the Temple for reinstatement by sending "wallet" glossies of himself, in ceremonial head-dress and nada mas, to Ms. Gah and the Temple Staff, under his sacred nominative, "Ahm Buc Nayked"

Hector followed-up by Overnight Post (certified), with the neverfails Good-Cop-Routine

Dear Ms. Gah:

Please accept my apologies for any offense to the Temple of Rajneeshism on behalf of my client, Mr. Dynamo.

When he recovers from his course of chemotherapy and the spleen-transplant -- and the trepanning drill-holes have closed enough to keep the flies out -- be assured that my client will make full public restitution for his (alleged) tort against the Temple.

In the meantime, it might speed Mr. Dynamo's recovery were he allowed merely to hope (against hope!) that one day he might be reconciled with the Temple, its friends, and . . . dare one dream? . . . with the Spirit of 'Neesh Himself

Of course, we will abide by any decision you and the Temple make, even if you remain firm in your decision to excommunicate what is now a spiritually-bereft and contrite Mr. Dynamo.

My client -- now on 24-hour Suicide Watch -- must rely upon the Temple's long and famous Tradition of Mercy, for indeed, we are all a bit Post-Traumatic, are we not, and why in Jesus' Name would he want to re-loop the Tape?

Surely, Ms. Gah, we can agree on this? Let there be this Spark of Humanity between us. Yes?

What, after all, would Adon want on his Goodbye Tour?

Another drafty, mangy manger? More Loafing and Wining? Produce-A-Miracle, Part Whatever? More unsightly public spectacles?

No ma'am.

He'd want a Real Normal Life, a page right out of Wally and the Beav . . . Alka-Seltzer for the Soul, something to soothe his perforated psyche after a couple dozen walk-ons as Human Pinata.

Ah. Forgive me, Ms. Gah. My Aztlan roots are showing! My client's despair over his ouster has engaged my sympathetic response, not a mean feat, and is currently manifesting as hemorrhoids.

But enough! In this Zoo we are all Somewhat Off Our Feed!

Ms. Gah -- may I call you Yu? -- I vow my solemn Word that Mr. Dynamo will remain a Restrained Distance from the Temple of Rajneeshism, its adjutants and functionaries, etc etc., until such time (if any) as the Temple in Its Wisdom sees fit once again to embrace one of its chastised, long-lost Sons.

My client and I cast ourselves before the Couch of Your Goodwill, Yu. Please don't make us grovel. As always, however, we will if necessary.

Feel free to contact me at any time if I may assist you further.

Remaining,

Yr humble servant,

Hector Bato

El Supremo (retired)

Bull Goose Foozler, Tenth Dan

Bureau Chief, Southwest District

Eagle Pass, Texas

The United Emirates of Aztlan

so that was Little Dynamo's day: Good morning, you've been excommunicated

well hopefully Hector smoothed it over, he's very good at Gnoshing and Smoothing when he's not hallucinating or under Punitive Sedation

L.D. didn't really have a spleen transplant, btw -- he supposes you already guessed that . . .

and the chemo is actually One-A-Day Stresstabs . . .

L.D. promised me (?) that he'd keep everyone up-to-date on his Petition for Reinstatement in the Temple

until then, he has entrusted me with a Public Statement, reprinted here in full:

Until further notice, I do not plan to dine out.

L.D.

1 Comments:

  • Dear Little Dynamo and Mr. Bato,

    We were so pleased to note Mr. Bato's ascent through the caves to assist Dynamo. It surely must have been exhausting work for Dynamo in attempt to plug the multitude of hole-y leaks All By Hisself. Not to mention the multitude of personae seeping out.

    We couldn't help but note, as well, the reversal of GAH.

    Not To Worry. There are many X communications Going On. Most for the better in that Long Run.

    And finally, we were ever so surprised to note Mr. Bato's de-commitment, er de-commission as El Supremo. The long journey up was Proof Positive to us that his Faithful Commitment to L.D. remains firm.

    Some advice from a Young One Wise Beyond Years:

    Rule #1 -- never grovel. Unless there are cherry suckers involved. And since there are always Lotsa Suckers, the point is probably mOOt. :o)

    Rule #2 -- no need to dine out anyway. There is always Plenty to Suck from the PhatLand of the Living Dead.

    Mr. Bato,
    Now that your workload has substantially decreased due to your retirement, I was going to offer a proposal; instead, however, may we simply wish you a Blissful Lack of General Responsibility to Anything In Particular and leave you with a song from the One Wise Beyond Years:
    "You'll Be In My Heart" -- Tarzan

    Always Committed Admirers But Less Stupid Now,

    The Toe Wranglers from Fairy Mermaid Land.

    By Blogger Annie, At 6:30 AM  

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